Saturday, March 20, 2010

Dead Alive (or Braindead if you're not American)

Warning: Spoilers

Before Watching
Peter Jackson is a director/producer from New Zealand who is famous for creating Lord of the Rings trilogy, a remake of King Kong, and produced Neill Blomkamp's District 9. Basically, he can crap out a masterpiece with a wave of his nerdy hand. Of course everyone starts out somewhere so why not review his third feature, Dead Alive? Sure, it looks a little rough but it can't be all that bad.

(It looks... kinda subtle)

After Watching
Oh good god, what the @#$% is wrong with Peter Jackson?! This is quite possibly the goriest film in the history of filmmaking. It's basically the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan, times 10, for 90 #$%^ing minutes. The violent acts that nearly drove me to committing suicide include lawnmower mutilation, a strangulation by intestines, incomplete decapitations, weapon-through- mouth penetration and various scenes of genital violence. Even George A Romero wouldn't push the boundary this far and he invented the modern zombie movie.

What really is the only selling point that this film really has is its warped sense of humor. While this is clearly a horror it is unbelievably self aware of it's ridiculous premise and throws realism out the window and replace it with Loon Tunes style slapstick. There is a living anus that farts, zombies flirting with zombies, hell there is even a Catholic priest that knows. Unfortunately, the plot is so poorly written that the jokes come off as bad acting than.

The script, oh God the script. There are films with good scripts like Pulp Fiction and bad ones like in Avatar, then there is Dead Alive. Not only does the script have some unbelievably bad dialogue, but when a dramatic event happens the characters do not react properly. For example, there is a scene where the token hot girl's dog gets swallowed whole by the lead's mother, she even says "Your mother ate my dog!!!" Do they kill the zombie? No. They assume that she is sick and call a doctor. Hell the token girl is shown trying to find the old lady's toothbrush, because if your mom swallows an entire full grown German Shepherd, cavities are the biggest problem. It's dumb character choices like this that make you wonder if the gore was to make people of it as the grossest and not the sloppiest horror ever made.

The gore... yeah everything seems to lead back to the gore. Its not even that scary, just unbelievably disgusting. Sure, blood and gore effects are useful tools when creating a horror film. But unless the film takes place in Eli Roth's mind or basement, then 150 gallons of blood and 50 fake limbs is a beyond excessive. If there was more than just two likable characters and a better script then there might be something. Anyway, if you like Hostel or Saw, then you might like this, but everyone else will need a bucket and therapy. 2 out of 5.


  1. It actually IS recorded as the goriest movie ever made. Good to know that the plot sucked though or I might have actually watched this. Better or worse than Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer? :P

  2. Better, while the plot is bad, at least there is one.