Friday, April 30, 2010

3 Wishes For 3 Shows

Rule number one about creating a blog, don’t start a blog during near the end of a school semester. It was a difficult week to say the least, but something awesome happened. I found a genie.
Yeah that’s right a genie.

She gave me three wishes; as long as they don’t involve drugs or sex then I can make any wish come true. I thought about video games, pizza, movies and how terrible they are these days. But then it occurred to that some of my favorite TV shows seem to be taking a turn for the worse. So here are my three wishes that could save them lameness.

Can the writers of “Glee” please kill off April Rhodes?

Before anyone decides to send me hate mail, let me point out that I #$%ing love “Glee”. It’s the first show on television has ever provided a consistently entertaining show in the format of a musical and it still has time to be the funniest show as well. The problem with the show is Kristin Chenoweth, its not that she is terrible, it’s that she is too good for this show. At first it was hilarious that April is making every character on the show look Mick Jagger without teeth, but eventually the regulars have to sing and their lack of awesomeness begins to show. Then recently the producers use Kristin in almost every damn song as if everyone had laryngitis. So for the good of the show, stop using April Rhodes for this season and on the next season kill her off after a couple appearances.

Can everyone working on “The Pacific” stop pretending that they are making “Band of Brothers”?

Seriously just pick one character and stick with it. The concept multiple stories only worked in “Band of Brothers” because everyone was in Easy Company and everybody liked each other. Was there a main character? No but when there’s a character named Bill “Gonorrhea” Guarnere who needs one. In “The Pacific” there is three main characters, they are on separate islands throughout most of series and man they must have been hard to write. One is the whiny b****, then there's the whiny b**** that’s hardly there, and finally there’s the whiny b**** that comes in at the last minute. I have never seen so much abuse of crying men and swaying violins since “Pearl Harbor” violated the screen. But the biggest irritant is how the show kills off people that the audience doesn’t even know and everyone makes a big deal about his death. Now unless Atticus Finch is doing the eulogy, and Pink Floyd is playing “Wish You Were Here” then I’m not going to be sympathetic about Col. What’s-His-Face’s death.

Key ingredients for the best funeral ever.

Just write off a character or two and stop being sentimental about the deaths. We get it, violence is bad and the Japanese soldiers were just defending their country but damn it nobody cared about anti-war crap back then, it was 1943, when people volunteered to fight. Oh and that intro is longer than “Stars Wars Ep. 3”.

“Lost” can you delay the finale?

When “Lost” started its first season, I thought it was just about people chilling on an island. The previews did not mention anything about ghosts, crazy French women or polar bears. So for the next few years I ignored the show and watched “24”. Now “Lost” is on it’s final season and I’m only on season three. And knowing America’s love of free speech, everyone is going to talk about the ending how “it all makes sense”. Then the show will not be interesting anymore because everything is revealed. Like a magician telling everyone that each card was an Ace of Spades. So if someone accidently lit the tapes on fire so that they had to re-shoot the ending that would be great.


Sadly the genie refused because she doesn’t want to get sued by television executives. Apparently the omnipotent super-being is worried about a lawsuit and a shortage of cash. So she gave me her credit card and told me to buy whatever I want. She now wishes that she had a lawsuit.

Wait until the gold plated game room/bar is completed

While not even a genie could stop the studios and networks from burying themselves, its always fun to vent about their bad ideas. So what wishes do you have?


  1. Did you seriously say that all the video games now suck??? I've been so depressed cause tons of great/amazing/god-like games are coming out and I'm flat-broke! God of War 3, Bad Company 2, No More Heroes 2, Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, Super Mario Galaxy 2, Super Street Fighter 4 and those are just ones I don't already have/can think of off the top of my head/are sure to be awesome or already are. Then there are some wild cards like Ninety Nine Nights 2, Kane and Lynch: Dog Days, Lost Planet 2, Red Dead Redemption (some people are certain, i'm not so much...), Halo: Reach, Alan Wake, Star Wars: The Old Republic, Scribblenauts 2 omg the list goes on and on.

    Oh and I wish Lost would keep going too :P

  2. Really, 5 paragraphs of insulting television and one filler sentence about video games pisses you off? It's not like I'm an Australian politician or Jack Thompson.

  3. yeah, blame it on a shorter name. I know you just changed the URL because you couldn't handle my pwnage comment!!!!! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!! XD

  4. yeah. dat's right. BTW, best show ever = Firefly. Just throwing that out there. TV died the day Fox decided to cancel it.

  5. I thought it was when Jersey Shore premiered and Snooki gave every viewer pinkeye. Oh, new Futurama episodes and The Avengers...NERDGASM